Judgement

I've started reading other people's blogs lately. Not people I know personally just people using the internet to seek out advice from other or to just have a forum to get their feelings out. 


Many of the blogs are regarding relationships, some married some single. 


This is what I see: 


Women, who are truly feeling pain in their relationships who are trying to reach out because they have come to a point were they just can't take it anymore and they feel no one understands where they are coming from or they have tried to talk to friends, family, therapists, clergy and still feel that they haven't really gotten to the crux of the matter. So, they turn to the internet to try and get some insight from total strangers. And what happens? 


They are met with judgement. Perfect strangers judging a perfect stranger. It is so cruel. 


I know what it feels to not have anyone understand where I am coming from. Yes, I have friends whom I love and are well meaning, but when it comes down to it, I do not honestly believe that those who call themselves my friends really understand. 


To be honest, I'm not being fair to them, because how can I expect anyone I personally know to say. "Oh yeah, that happens to me all the time." I believe many people censor themselves, they have things that they have done in their lives that are not things they want to advertise, and I respect that. 


So, this blog is not about personal friends. 


Its about all those "well meaning" people out there in Cyber World. 


How dare you judge someone else? How dare you use someone else's pain as a spring board to your hateful negative behavior? 


There are people out there who truly are hurting who really don't know what to do, who are caught up in situations that really matter to them, and all they want is someone to say that they understand. 


I was reading this one woman's blog regarding her relationship and that her partner's looks were going downhill, her partner was not keeping themselves up the way they use to and the intimacy of their relationship was suffering. I really empathized with this woman. 


It takes a lot of courage to write out your feelings and put them out there on a public forum, because this is what she got:


"Whatever the case is... YOU are handling the situation terribly! You're very insensitive and you already know that you come off as sounding shallow. You should show concern for your partner instead of insults."


"I am beginning to think that women really are shallow."


These were a couple of the more milder responses to this woman's blog. People were calling her names and it was really cruel. 


The truth is, what right does anyone have to sit in judgement of another person? If a person is hurting and they truly feel that their situation is important enough to need perfect strangers advise, then why judge? 


I do believe that people who judge others do so because they are unhappy with their lives, because the problem the person they are judging is a problem the judge has with themselves. 


For example, if a thin person were to say "I am not attracted to my partner because my partner has gained weight" an over weight person would say something like "You need to start loving people for what is on the inside, you are an insensitive B%$#@"


This isn't about weight, it is about other things, do not misinterpret. All I am saying, is maybe we has human beings need to stop being so mean to others. Everyone has a legitimate reason for feeling they way they feel. 


Just because someone else's feelings are in opposition to your feelings does not mean that those feelings are wrong. They just are what they are. 


Tolerance friends. Tolerance. 


You may not agree with what your friend is feeling, and you may not agree with the way your friend is handling a situation, but your friend is dealing with the situation they only way they know how, so instead of putting them down and giving them advise based on YOUR needs, maybe all you need to do is listen and not give advice but just give some love. 


Namaste