Are You Lying to Me?

Today is a new day in another series of new days...

Lying is the topic today. The question being: Why do people lie to me? I find that people lie constantly to me. Perhaps I am paranoid.

My biggest issue is making promises and not keeping them. I don't care if a persons chooses to do or not to do something that is their prerogative, but don't tell someone you are going to do something and then not do it at all.

To me that is worse than lying, and not what people in relationships are suppose to do to each other.

Which probably explains why I am so OCD. Because I compensate for the people who lie to me in my life. I make sure that no situation is made that has any room for lying. I prevent people from lying so to speak, but it seems that people don't see it like that. They take it as me being overbearing and too much a control freak.

When you have had people lie to you your entire life you develop a cloak of protection and you put it on every time you engage communication with a person. Because you just don't want them to lie.

I also find that people lie in order to save other people's feelings. They keep things to themselves and don't speak about it until the situation gets so out of control that both parties are feeling hurt. Let me give you some advise: Don't Lie! It is better for a person to tell the truth and be brutally honest then to lie.

Here is a situation:

Two people are in a relationship. Both are a bit insecure, one more so than the other. Both have been hurt tragically in the past and fear everyday that they will be hurt again by this new person. Each person has assured the other that they can be trusted, and each person feels comfortable in that. However, there is a small insecurity that sits inside either person and find that each are bombarded by the other. This small insecurity festers and festers. It makes looking in the mirror everyday a challenge because that insecurity is a reflection of self, but is desperate to be hidden. So, it is kept away, and the insecurity causes an air of distrust. What will this person think of me if I tell them this? Will the person care for me if they know this? What if I loose this person because they know this? The insecurity gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Until one day out of the blue it erupts, and suddenly confusion sets in as each person is wondering "Now what?" Because a piece of trust is now gone, and once that happens unless it is dealt with it will keep happening, and little things will become big things and the relationship will end up dying.

I tell people the worse thing you can do to me is lie. I'd rather a person be honest, let me get upset and then deal with it, then being lied to and then having no trust at all in a person, and being leery of their motivations and actions constantly.

Because of this, other relationships are in danger. You have one destructive relationship based on lies, you begin to honestly believe that everyone is lying to you. You confront someone and then they get so hurt and angry with you because you don't trust them. Well of course you don't trust them, why should you? If people have been lying to you all your life why is one person going to be different from another? And, if a person is confronted and they do become angry with you chances are they are lying to you. They are keeping something hidden from you.

If a person is honest, and they are confronted they will talk through the confrontation, they won't be hurt and they won't feel belittled, because they have nothing to hide.

Ever hear the phrase " The lady doth protest to much" it is from Hamlet. When a person protests or objects to something so much, they usually lose credibility. Think of it.

A person asks another person: "Did you buy the Ice Cream?" 
The other person response is: "Oh NO, I would never buy Ice Cream! I'm on a diet, ice cream is horrible, how could you possibly think I would by ice cream? what are you trying to do? don't you trust me that I wouldn't buy the Ice Cream? Why would you care if I bought the ice cream? No I would never do such a thing ever!" 

Ridiculous huh? But that is how people respond when they are hiding something. Instead of this:

Person 1: "Did you Buy the Ice Cream?"
Person 2: "Yeah, I did. Probably shouldn't have but I couldn't resist. My bad." 


Which situation would you rather be in? So you screwed up! Big deal, be honest not only with yourself but with others.

But whatever you do...

Don't ever end a relationship because you got caught in a lie. Never dump someone or break someone's heart because YOU don't think you YOU are good enough for another person because you lied to them.

You can work it out. Just trust..... I promise you will be thankful you did.